Editor’s(?) Note: This has been in drafts for three years. I still miss my aburo every day.
I lost a loved one a little over a month ago and in the days and weeks following, I felt paralysed by grief. The thoughts of what I might have done to prevent it, the blind anger at nobody for the suddenness of it all, the pain deep in the pit of my stomach, were constants.
The most common way the body releases pain is by tears and so I cried. Every time I cried, I was told not to cry, to be strong, to focus on those who were alive. Good words, but not what I wanted to hear.
If I hurt my foot, I cry. I go on to treat the injury but I don’t think of myself as weak because of the tears. So if my heart is hurt and bleeding, why is it a negative to shed tears?
If your heart is broken, cry. If a part of you has been torn away rudely, please cry. People say it gets better. It doesn’t, not really. You still almost call out their name and you still stop yourself from dialing their number and you still get angry at those who want to centre themselves in such a situation. But then you get back up from your crumpled stance and the crying episodes become occasional bouts and eventually, tears shed in seconds.
So maybe it does get better. You remind yourself that it is adieu and not au revoir, that Jesus is the resurrection and the life and that your loved one believed in Him and so you will see again.
So it is okay to cry. Just remember to get back up.
